Growing Pains

Everybody finds the process of growing up difficult - whether the suffering lasts a few hours at a time, a few days or months, we all feel it in some form at some point. Think about it: this is a time when constant change of all kinds is enforced upon us, some parts of which are expected, others not so much - I don't believe anybody is equipped to deal with such rapid and constant evolution without the slightest of hiccups. There are bound to be bumps in the road. But although the process as a whole will be different for every person, most of it can be foreseen and mentally prepared for to some degree. Most of us are lucky enough to have people around us who love and care for us, such that they make it their job to ensure we understand these changes and can begin to understand the world we are getting set to enter with a new, more mature perspective and increased awareness of its difficulties. This is when the rose-tinted glasses of childhood come off and we learn that the world doesn't owe us anything. 

The problems really begin when these bumps in the road become mountains that aren't supposed to be there; when they become something insurmountable that cannot be understood by a young and uninformed mind. The world can turn into a very daunting and confusing place when those rosy lenses are immediately replaced with blackened ones, without the eyes ever having had the chance to see the world for what it really is. Childhood depression is a beast. Children are not commonly raised with the awareness that such an affliction even exists, much less that it could possibly get to them; so we can only assume that the responsibility lies with the parents to detect such a downward spiral in their offspring. There will always be signs to pick up on - a prolonged mood of general sadness, becoming very quiet, disinterest in having fun and participating in activities, excessive crying, being short-tempered and irritable, attempted avoidance of social/group situations etc... But what happens when depression strikes at the exact moment when the emergence of these 'symptoms' can be expected by the parentals as a symptom of growing up itself - during the transition into the delights of teenage-hood? The answer, I can tell you, is nothing... nothing happens. Nothing except an achingly long, seemingly never-ending and very private struggle in a personal hell. Parents can hardly be blamed for their lack of awareness in such circumstances, especially when the subject makes it their mission to spend as much time away from human company (and prying eyes/questioning mouths) as possible. But the thing is... I'm not a teenager anymore. The longer such behaviour persists when I'm supposed to be a 'grown-up' the more difficult it becomes to disguise. I think sometimes that my parents see me as someone who's simply consciously reluctant to become an adult and assert some independence. The truth is quite different: although I often crave the innocent and unquestioning abandon of early childhood, I want more than anything to translate some form of this into adulthood and still manage to be a pillar of independence, strength and capability... but I will remain unable to do so in my incapacitated state until I learn to climb my mountains.

If anybody reading this does happen to feel any degree of affinity with what I write at any point then please don't hesitate to leave a comment. I'm very open to what people may have to say; just nothing abusive or obtusely negative please - I don't like trolls who hide behind computer monitors.